I don’t really know what I’m doing with my dating life. I just keep searching and finding and keeping and discarding. I have a Fetish for men who can’t hold their loads. It’s such a lovely compliment amidst all the entitled men who insult anything less than perfection, as if half of perfection would even give them the time of day. Alas, an unworthy demeanor, as expressed by a prematurely exploding cock, is worth a headache or two 😉
First there’s Jeremy. Jeremy wears glasses and knows wine like the back of his hand. I see myself having a great time with Jeremy (both in bed and in the kitchen where he likes to dwell creatively) but only if he lets me be the dominant (in bed, non-negotiable). He’s not my type physically otherwise. He’s very sure of himself which I like so it will be interesting to figure out how on earth I can get him to drool at my feet but not so much that he slips and falls into too much niceness lol. I just want him to feel completely unworthy in bed but completely worthy otherwise. Hehe. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not sure what to make of Ryan. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere cuz he seemed to make a point that he was only interested in fucking. Wouldn’t respond to texts for days, ignored suggestion to get coffee, boned and bailed. If it hadn’t been for what I learned thru the Vick thing which was always trust your gut, I would have kept trying. My gut feeling about Ryan was that he was into me, until I read the question on his profile asking if he would ever date a sex worker to which he responded No Way! I even gave him the benefit of the doubt on that one, considering he might be trying to increase his matches by giving the more traditional answer. He was in my hood on Memorial Day and asked if I cared for some cock, which I would have loved had I been in town. Ryan likes to make out and hold my face and kiss my tits, not all at once. He loves to lick my pussy lips and is so incredibly grateful every time I suck his dick. And he has a very nice dick. A big head with an ultra hard shaft. He calls me mistress. I call him slave. That’s about as kinky as we’ve gotten. I want to do something special for him like try on lingerie or make him chocolate dipped strawberries. But he never wants to hang out afterwards. The 5 minute post sex conversation plus the 30 seconds he lasts inside my pussy once I hop on it makes for a very short visit. But like I mentioned earlier, a man who can’t hold his load is my wet dream. Too bad he doesn’t deserve an extra touch of sex appeal. I told him that I was taking a break from bootycalls. Having just ignored me for several days yet again I didn’t see how I could continue to give him what he wanted. You know whose texts I don’t respond to for several days? Those from people I don’t like. He responded to my rejection politely and it half ended just fine so I’m sure we will talk again in the future. Sometimes when things get stuck, it’s best to start over. So what I failed to do with Ryan was ask him what he wanted and ask him to go hiking/stay for a movie. His responses to those would have made things far more clear than his responses to generic questions posed by people who aren’t me and answered to please a majority. Speak of the devil. He just texted me. What to say, what to say.
So. One of the first things I asked Ray was what he wanted. Unfortunately he didn’t interest me much. In fact he kind of scared me. He’s incapable of showing a negative emotion, and we veered down the wrong path on our hike. He’s just got a creepy vibe. I may see him again because we actually go way back, like 10 years back and just found each other online and just happen to live super close to one another and I do believe in signs but I would have to get over how badly he wants to fuck, and how unable he is of breaching the topic. Sign of respect, intimidation or obsession? Sometimes Super Fucken Positive is just downright creepy. Do you know what I mean?
Then there’s Rick. Who has a really nice dick. Smoked a joint, watched a movie and rode it til he came while I whispered horny nothings into his ear. I love that closeness. Chest to chest. But he made it very clear he’s not interested in a relationship though he does want friendship and a partner in crime. We’ll see where it goes. He is very cute. I thought about his dick for a few days after that. Pussy eating skills pretty darn good. Anyways. Can’t wait to see him again. HE definitely deserves lingerie and chocolate dipped strawberries. Just for being honest and not using me. He’s also got 10 years on all the others so there’s something to be said about age 😻
There’s also Bernard in Oakland who suffers from some commitment issues. I think he’s currently connected to something or someone that’s getting in the way of him expressing himself fully and committing to romantic plans. He cheated on the mother of his daughter a while back (not with me) who subsequently left him and I wonder if he’s holding on hoping she’ll take him back, for his daughter’s sake. He also watches ALOT of porn. I’m competing with my own digital self! He contacts me periodically to discuss future times when we should hang out. And then the conversation slowly dies despite my attempts to maintain it. I should hit him up when I get back. But I want him to want me more. That’s all there is to it.
Those are the boys in my shuffle right now. Ryan at bay, Ray in the maybe pile, Bernard in his own world and the other two are good to go.
I need to figure out what I want with Ryan and how to ask for it and then, accepting the possible likely fate, go for it anyways cuz fuck it a little pain never hurt anybody. And we do have really good sex. I’m conflicted with this one.
I don’t want anything from Ray. At all. In fact I’ve been ignoring him. So then I told him I wasn’t interested and he insisted he was just looking for a friend. Creepier and creepier. Once you try to manipulate me to change my mind, you become an asshole in my book. Won’t take no for an answer even when the girl is kinda creeped out? Gee that sounds like this other thing I’ve heard of.
I want Rick to stay exactly as he is but I want to dare to correct him while he’s eating me out. Why let it be good when it can be great? And I wanna ride his cock. Like right now. Like I want to suffocate him with my giant tits while I drain his balls with the walls of my pussy. I don’t cum internally with very many men but it will definitely happen with this one. Whether he can or can’t hold it, it will still be fun for me.
As for Jeremy, I want him to recognize (or realize is fine too) that a girl like me doesn’t get with a guy like him and if she does it’s because of who she is and not because of who he is. That being said, Im with him because I want a man to dominate in bed. Just in bed. I’m not a bitch or whatever. After so many years of being in porn, it’s nice to feel appreciated, that’s all. And I want him to still feel good about himself while he’s in that place. Am I asking too much? In short, drop the “oh yeah I got this” demeanor. That’s a misdemeanor!
I guess I’m at a place where all the dicks in my life are freaking fabulous. My relationships with the personalities attached to said dicks are um, to be developed as time goes by. But I also just got a puppy, so I think I have everything I need 🤗
Happy & Hopeful