Well it’s been a few days and the dust has settled and I must say, I had an amazing time at Exxxotica last weekend. I made some pretty decent dough but I’m mostly excited about the evenings I spent with some really chill people. Last year at Exxxotica in Jersey, I met a photographer. An AMAZING photographer. A like… FAMOUS photographer. And he mentioned he wanted to shoot me for a book he was working on, but with him traveling and living on the East Coast, and me moving all over California, we never had a chance to get together. And then, on the first day of Exxxotica, he appeared before me, unchanged, camera in hand, with the same thing to say: “I would really love to shoot you.” He asked if we could shoot in my room. I thought “Fuck, by the time I get out of here, it’ll be 10, but I’m on west coast time so I can afford the hours and I have a late start time so I can afford the fatigue.” I still wondered what kind of high fashion glamour shots we could take inside a hotel room at the Marriott but I figured I would at least learn some cool new modeling techniques. This man, who shall remain unnamed unless you were at the convention in which case you might know who he is, took the plain and basic and made it come to life. The attitude served as an accent to the wardrobe and lighting that created overall themes. I was a snobby rich bitch of Beverly Hills. I was a little lamb in the woods. And of course I was an ultra horny Super Tease. Don’t blame me. Blame the camera in between you and me.
Later in the weekend I was visited by a girl, a young girl, way beyond her years. She’s studying film and as such is working on a documentary. She’s contemplating me as the topic. Or maybe a portion of the topic. We’d been messaging back and forth for several weeks and finally got the chance to meet. She takes some pretty sick pictures – of the ocean, of the setting sun, of buildings with attitude. I liked her style from the get go. I’ve always had a thing for architecture and you already know how I feel about the ocean and the sun *wink*. So we met up and discussed my lifestyle – the pros and cons of being in porn. It’s hard for me to talk too much shit about the porn industry, when it’s really the only place where I don’t feel ostracized for being a skanky poo. Even an open-minded romantic partner will take a stab at you sooner or later. And it’s not like there’s any one person in porn that makes me feel free. It’s just…. I just don’t like the idea of not being an exhibitionist. It suggests I CAN not wear clothes. Because if I did have to wear clothes, that would mean there’s something to hide which is way too close in feeling & form to shame. And that doesn’t jive with me 😉 So this girl and I chatted it up and now it’s a waiting game to see what happens. It’s her project after all. And I’m for anything that gets the anti-shame word out there.
And then there was rope. The last day of the convention, you know the day when hay stacks roll by? I took a stroll over to el dungeon and got tied up in rope by my buddy JDSilver, whose name I should really remember by now because he’s cool as shit and sweet as balls and I think I’ll call him tomorrow. He looked at me with his blue puppy dog eyes and pouty wet smile as he tied me up and slowly but surely took away my mobility. I wondered if I looked fat tied up like that, wearing nothing but bra & panties. But I was tied up so what could I do about it anyways? As it turns out, from the photos I saw, I like my body in rope. It has a similar effect to tight clothing. But that’s besides the point. Being tied up is like taking an emotional nap. The world is not so complex if you only have 1 option. Me who hates being told what to do will obey you if you tell me to do nothing. And the idea of saying Yes from such a vulnerable position is highly seductive.
Quite frankly the best part of the entire weekend was making forward progress with my writing. Perhaps more on that later. We shall see. I’ve never pursued writing in the academic form and in high school I fucking hated the readings required for the writings. I clung to science because things that make sense are the best things in the world. But now I find myself inspired by what I read and excited about what I write. And my jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none lifestyle serves as a pretty sweet repertoire of shit to write about. Alas, it can’t all be cocks and pussies all day long… oh but when it is, it is fucking sweet. Next time such inspirations cum, I will try to use my fingers to write about it first.